5 Signs You Don’t Feel Safe With Money (and How to Shift That)
Does money feel “hard”?
Safety and security are intimately linked to money, and we all need to feel safe.
You’ve got money coming in. Maybe even more than before. But instead of feeling calm and secure, you feel anxious, avoidant, or like it slips through your fingers.
That experience of shock: why is my balance so low? Where did it all go?
This could be about the numbers — or, it could be about whether you feel safe being in relationship with money, and more importantly, holding onto it.
In this post, I’ll share 5 common signs of money-unease and practical ways to begin shifting them.
You Avoid Looking at Your Numbers
Maybe you throw the bill away before even opening it. You turned off all notifications from your bank app. You never check your balances or even see if you got paid the full amount or were charged the right amount.
You may tell yourself you’re ignoring everything because you’re earning more money and so “it’ll all be fine” or “it’ll all workout,” but usually there’s a subconscious pattern at play here.
Fear.
Fear of what you’ll see, fear of self-judgement or shame. Your nervous system may default to “flight” mode — avoiding the numbers because they don’t feel safe. And often, we try to to rationalize it away.
If you recognize yourself in this pattern, no need to start with the guilt or self-blame. You’ve taken the first step, awareness!
Try this: Start with a simple breathing exercise (such as Box Breath: 4-4-4-4) to calm your nervous system and ground you, then open one bill or one account and just look at the numbers.
Use curiosity, not criticism.
2. Money Comes In… and Immediately Flows Out
A raise, bonus, or big sale comes in and before it even hits your bank account, it’s already gone to “unexpected” bills or impulse spending. Particularly if you anticipate this money coming, it can be spent before it’s even realized.
This can happen because your nervous system doesn’t trust you can hold onto the money. Over time, your body may have learned the pattern: “money isn’t safe.” Maybe as a child you noticed that whenever someone had extra money, it was spent on booze and that turned into arguments and violence, or bringing home money caused fighting. Perhaps your family has a narrative around “more money, more problems,” and you’ve subconsciously adopted this belief.
Practice holding onto small amounts to build capacity to have money.
Try this: Keep a savings jar. Or, use separate “buckets” on your savings account so each dollar has a purpose. Start to count the number of days between receiving extra money and needing to spend it. Each time you get extra money, try to increase your number of days in between.
3. You Undercharge or Don't Ask for More
If you’re in business for yourself or do contract work, maybe you price yourself below your value or hesitate to increase rates. If you work for someone else, you may avoid negotiating or ensuring your compensation is fair and paid correctly. (Yes, companies can make mistakes on paychecks, particularly when it comes to bonuses or commissions).
This could be a worthiness wound and it shows up in your sense of deservingness or your ability to feel safe in asking for more money. This safety gap often shows up most strongly for people whose identities have been marginalized — for example, women of color or differently-abled individuals — because the workplace has historically undervalued them.
Look for advocates and allies who can help open doors and pave the way for you.
Try this: Do some research or have a few conversations to see what competitive compensation looks like in your field. Then, ask yourself, what if you were paid that much, what feelings come up? Do you doubt that you — or your work — are worth it? Find some evidence: in what ways can you prove to yourself that YOU deserve more?
4. You Follow the “Shoulds” Instead of What Fits You
You force yourself to stick to a rigid budget that doesn’t work for you, you invest in things you don’t understand, or you live by other people’s rules. You may have learned these from social media — and they may be good advice — but they’re not the right advice for you and your unique situation.
When you don’t question or adapt generic advice to your own life, it may be a sign you don’t yet feel safe trusting yourself at the next level. This is a self-trust wound where you give away your power because it feels safer and easier.
Try this: Ask yourself, does this align with my situation, my goals, and my values? Or am I trying to follow generic advice?
5. You Never Feel Like It’s Enough
Constant striving, comparing, moving the goalpost… those are signs that you’re tying your worth to external validation. You may be looking for safety in constant motion — pushing for more — instead of finding a sense of “enough” inside yourself.
Try this: Define your personal version of “enough,” both financial and emotional. It maybe a certain feeling, a number in your account, because someone told you so, a success metric — all that matters is that it’s clear and it’s true to you.
Safety with Money is an Inside Job
These patterns are incredibly common, so don’t consider them flaws. They’re what make us human with nervous systems that evolved to keep us safe from immediate danger. Think of these patterns as signals, pointing you toward where you can grow while cultivating more internal safety.
Noticing them is the first step to creating financial calm. The next step is to recalibrate your nervous system and expand your ability to be with discomfort, hold more money, and challenge your own limiting beliefs.
Want to know which money block might be keeping you from feeling safe with money? Take my free Money Block Quiz here.
If you’re ready to go deeper — healing money stories, building nervous system safety, and creating financial flow — Blossom is where we do this work together. Learn more here.
