A Step-by-Step Practice for Changing Your Relationship With Money

A somatic process for rewriting your money story

that engages your nervous system and centers you as the creator.

Oftentimes when we struggle with money, it’s because of limiting beliefs, money trauma, or old stories playing out. This may show up as money avoidance, fear around making decisions or taking risks, or “financial fawning,” which can look like over-giving, out-of-control spending, under-negotiating, or under-advocating for oneself. 

We can begin to shift this using a combination of narrative coaching and somatic movement. 

Why? Because beliefs don’t just live in our mind. They’re programmed into our body, into our nervous system. 

Our nervous system keeps us safe by trying to ensure we don’t exceed our limiting beliefs. From a nervous system perspective, familiar patterns feel safer than unfamiliar growth, even when those patterns are limiting.

Many women in this position aren’t lacking intelligence or information, but they may freeze, avoid, or self-sabotage when real decisions arise.

This is why knowing what to do often isn’t enough. If the body still associates money with danger, shame, or loss of belonging, no amount of willpower or financial knowledge will create lasting change.

The Power of Narrative Coaching + Somatics

By combining narrative coaching and somatics, we can identify stories and beliefs that hold us back and then we release them from our body. After they’re released, we invite in new, empowering stories and beliefs into our consciousness and into our nervous system. 

While there’s certainly value in working with someone like myself who can guide you through this, hold space for you and your emotions, and identify blindspots or where you can go deeper and release more, it’s also possible to do this on your own. 

Here’s the process if you want to release limiting beliefs, write a new money story, and move forward with more confidence around your finances. 

Warning: If you have trauma, are prone to panic attacks, or other reason why this may not be safe for you, please consult a licensed mental health counselor for support before going through this process.

I recommend setting aside some time when you can go through this whole process in a private, physically safe space. 

The Old Story

To begin, consider what script are you currently telling yourself. An example from a real client: “my mom was no good with money, my sisters are no good with money, and I’m not any better.” 

Next, identify a memory around money that still bothers you, the earlier in life, the better. If you find an early-life memory that informs that script, that’s ideal, but not essential. 

As an example, another client shared a story of her parents getting a new car and when she asked questions about it, her mother shamed her for acting privileged and ungrateful. 

Now that you’ve identified a memory, get out a pen and paper or journal. 

You’re going to write out the story of what happened. Use as vivid details as you can remember. Include emotions — yours and anyone else involved. What sense did you make of that experience? What conclusions did little you come to about your worth or place in the world, about how money makes people behave, around beliefs about money, or anything else. 

Somatic Release

Once you’ve written out the story, notice how your body feels. Do you feel tense? Confused? Is there sadness welling up? Anger at the way you or others were treated? Frustration that you’re still carrying this narrative with you, or anger that it still shapes your reality? 

Put on some music, and use the music to help move the emotion out of you. Here are a some music ideas for sadness, melancholy, anger, rage, but feel free to choose your own song. 

This isn’t about dancing. This is movement as a form of emotional release. Maybe you pound the floor, punch a pillow, stomp, scream (into a pillow if you have to), cry, curl up in a ball and rock yourself. However the emotions and the music move you is fine. 

If your body doesn’t want to move, that’s also OK. If you notice numbness, resistance, or hesitation, that’s information too. It often means your system is moving at the pace it needs to feel safe. Accept whatever comes up. 

Let it all go. 

Release the emotions and the stories behind them. 

After you’ve moved through and released the sadness, the anger, the rage, the frustration, the desperation, the disappointment, all of it, then take a few moments to breathe deeply.

Try this breath pattern: inhale for a 4-count, hold for 2, exhale for 6-8 count. Feel your feet or your sit bones grounding into the surface beneath you, and feel that surface rising up to meet you. 

The New Story

Repeat the breath pattern a couple more times as you get your journal and pen ready. 

Allow yourself to feel settled. If you don’t yet, find a safe and comfortable place to sit-down and breathe deeply a few more times. 

Now, using broadly the same setup as the original story, write a new outcome. Different interaction, different result, different feelings, different learnings. What do you wish had happened? What would feel safe, encouraging, inspiring, uplifting? Do you want understanding, connection, closeness, a positive money lesson? Anything is possible. 

My client with the new car chose to rewrite the story with her mother responding with kindness and curiosity, and deepening the connection and understanding between them. 

You get to rewrite that memory into the story you want. This is about giving the nervous system a new reference point, and a new positive feeling to anchor.

Somatic Integration

If there’s a new empowering belief and feeling that you want, write that down. Maybe this comes directly from your new story; maybe it doesn’t. 

Perhaps something like, ‘I am capable and worthy of earning and having more money’ or maybe ‘I make competent financial decisions with confidence and ease.’  You’re of course welcome to choose your own. In my clients case, her new story reinforced to her, ‘I’m worthy of love, attention, and understanding.’ 

Now, imagine if the empowering belief and/or feeling lived in your body, what shape would it take? How would it move you? How would you show up? 

Put on a song, such as this one, and again, you don’t need to dance; this is about embodying. 

Let the music help bring that positive feeling into your movement, your shape, your sense of self. Maybe your shoulders are back, maybe you stand tall, you walk proud. Maybe you give yourself a hug, reassuring yourself that you have your back.

You are integrating and embodying a new belief, a new feeling, a new way of being that supports the highest version of you. 

Conclusion

This can be a powerful and emotional process, but it’s not always easy. Give yourself grace and patience.

If you’ve never done somatic releasing before, it can be difficult to start. The first time, it often doesn’t feel safe or even within our capacity to move and feel. Perhaps it’s worth trying again another time: try a different scenario, a different emotion, or a different song.

This is a powerful practice for releasing, healing, and growing into the person you desire to be. 

Leave a comment:

What part of this process felt most relevant to you? Which section did you feel resistance to?