For some reason, our society has developed this hush-hush attitude around money: how much we make, how we spend it, what we have (or don’t have), how we choose to grow it, etc—even keeping financial secrets from our partner. Yet, arguably, this attitude is compounding problems around money shame and debt. For example, by being secretive around money, we’re not asking and therefore not getting the support we need to deal with debt.

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It’s important to talk about money and work through all the emotions that it brings up. Talking about money helps to normalize the experience of the coming and going, up and down—the flow of money. Talking about our financial challenges also helps to expand our humanity and reduce the fear, shame, and anger around money difficulties. 

Talking about money plans, goals, habits, fears, and other emotions can also help to address the perfectionism around money. Whether it’s a sense of overwhelm in not knowing where to start to pay off debt or to start investing, or facing poor money beliefs and a scarcity mindset imbedded in us since childhood, just opening up about our money circumstances can improve the situation. 

As with any emotion, the more we suppress or deny our feelings around money, the more they gnaw at us and wear us down. If we’re willing to talk about money and the emotions that surround it, we can bring them out into the open, acknowledge them, practice self-compassion, and examine all of the feelings, beliefs, and the situation as a whole. (A financial wellbeing coach can be very helpful in this process.) Then, we can have the mental-emotional space to make clearer, smarter decisions. It’s about moving beyond fear and analysis-paralysis and making an action plan and seeing it through. 

This applies whether you’re trying to tackle debt, realign how much you spend and save, start investing for the first time, or cope with financial turmoil. Humans are wired to fear and remember loss more so than to go after gains or upside, and this hold us back from taking the leap into investing or getting back in if we’ve been burned. Even “[b]eing aware of this emotional bias can help you mitigate your own fears” (p.38, Activate Your Money); and applying mindfulness principles to notice and observe the feelings can also help. Once that overwhelming sense of fear has abated, then it is easier to continue talking about money, developing financial literacy, and having the courage to make informed money decisions. 

You don’t have to face your money woes alone. Talk with a financially-literate friend, a financial advisor, or a money coach, and set money goals and create an action plan to achieve them.